I sometimes forget that i am not the best comunicator. soo im trying to make this straight forward.
The progress u have made has been great and i am not belittling that at all. You sound like yur on the way to becoming a much healthyer fuller person so kudos!
If u recall about 3 weeks ago we dicussed that it was probably a good idea for some emotional distance this was supposed to help insure that what you were doing u were doing for yurself and not for me. So that really isnt my issue its a necessary evil that i can deal with ( im a big boy after all)
I ultimatly want you to be happy with yourself and not worry about what others think including me. And this is a key issue. Your whole life has been lived to other peoples standards and i dont want you trading theres for mine.
Find the path in life that makes you complete becasue every person should be happy with themselves whether they are in or out of a relationship.
I am not yet convinced that I am the person on this world that will make u happiest and reading yur blog made me realize that you were feeling the same way.
I have been thinking about alot of things the past few weeks. if we better friends than partners
if we could use some temporary time apart which i feel would help u figure yur life out.
if we should just throw in the towel and admit that we tried really hard but ultimatly the chick on Omni tv was right.
I know this proces has been hard on you but it has also be emotionally exauhsting for me. I have been cranky this week so when i read what u had said that only made my mood worse when u said "we really need to talk" And then my stomach started to hurt. i realized that thats how it always is between us. When i say im tired of "talking" i mean that im tired of being draged through an emotional grinder every 2 weeks for the past 5 months. I cant even rember the last time we were both even 95% happy with each other around when we arnt naked.
I enjoyed talking to you tonight it was fun but i still worry that your to concerned with making me happy. I want a somone i can spend my life with as an equal parner i dont want a puppy. I know that spark is still there buried somewhere but i still feel it.
I am not writing this to piss u off or hurt u. Much of this we have talked about before. This is more of an explanation of the conflicts i am feeling right now which is why i blogged it rather than emailing it to you.
Posted by czarcub
at 1:28 AM MDT
Updated: Friday, 24 June 2005 1:31 AM MDT